got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
