Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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