where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
