yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
