Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
