as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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