Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
