Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
