Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Alive.
So much puke
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
