Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
