You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
