I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
