She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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