I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
