He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
