1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
