Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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