I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
