he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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