listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize