My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
