I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
