We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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