does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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