they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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