The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
