if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
