Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
