You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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