Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Fuck appropriateness.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
