yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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