i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize