Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
