I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize