what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize