Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My life is pants optional.
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