she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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