Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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