Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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