we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
