there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
