the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
