they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
