Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
