When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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