are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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