I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
COCAINE IS GR8
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
