so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
