someone threw a dead crab at me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
