I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
