i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
this hospital has no fireball
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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