Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
