The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
