i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
there is glitter all over my balls
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
