I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
