Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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