WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
