So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize