Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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