its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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