Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
