dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
